just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
