got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
