no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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