Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
