I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
