Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
