my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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