Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
