I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my phone needs a breathalizer
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
