Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
