U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i love accidental penises.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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