i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
