I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
