Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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