had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
