Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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