It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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