what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
