im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
