love makes seman taste better
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
