My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
