ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
