Life is so much better after having sex.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
40s are totally the cure
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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