im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
