you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
