everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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