Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
