The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
