It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
