you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Randomize
