I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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