susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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