wakey wakey hands off snakey
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
