dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
