i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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