and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
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my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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