you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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