His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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