On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
