The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
