I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
