So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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