I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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