Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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