People in love make me want to vomit
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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