He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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