i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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