The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
