I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
