Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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