On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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