i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
