i permit you to call me
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
