so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
