During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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