would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
