I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just invented taco cereal.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize