if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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