I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.