I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.