You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.