Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
handjob tips. give me some.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
where are you?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.