I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night