Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
