I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
