the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
