I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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