Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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