i need an iv and a liver transplant
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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