There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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